We are moving to Houston, TX in less than 3 weeks. I'm over the majority of the nervousness of moving, and on the excitement and readiness to live in a big city with fun things to do. Except for one thing. I recently found out Texas is home to approxiamately 500,000 ish alligators.
Alligators. That's right, the big 8, 9, 10+ foot long lizards who have massive jaws and eat people. The one the Crocodile hunter chased and tried to tackle. The ones who hear about ending up in Florida swimming pools. The things that have the "Alligator death roll" which sounds like a horribly painful and scary way to die. (Although cool at the same time. I think people talk about their deaths as ghosts. Conversations go like this:
"So... How'd you end up, ya know... here?"
"Just woke up here. In my sleep I guess? You?"
"ALLIGATOR DEATH ROLL"
Yeah. That dude's probably got the death story of the century...
But, back to my silliness.
The point is, I was really being unecessarily nervous. I don't know much about alligators. I seriously thought they ONLY lived in Florida. Forget the fact that all those other southern states have the same climate, and alligators were here before suburbia, in my mind, they ONLY EXISTED IN FLORIDA. And especially not Texas. Texas is still far from Florida. They do live in Texas, and according to a map I saw last night, put out by the Texas Wildlife Board, they're for sure in the Houston area, and even all the way up in Dallas.
Around the time I discovered alligators are in Texas, we were planning a camping trip to Texas to hunt for a place to live. (Thankfully, we found a place via the Lords of the Internet, and will not have to camp there) As soon as I found out about the alligators I didn't want to camp. My over-active imagination was maing up all kinds of scenarios where the alligators pulled a grizzly and ate our faces off while we slept. (Can you tell I grew up in the west?) I had dream where alligators jumped out of trees puma-style and attacked hikers. Alligators were hiding in the leaves by our picnic table, and Christian got eaten in one bite when I put him down to crawl... Things like that.
I mentioned my imaginings to Kason while we were out shopping one day.
"I wanna go running in the mornings. What if there's an alligator RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PATH?!?"
"Well just do what the 'alligator etiquette' guide said, and turn around and go back the other way"
*thinking* Yeah, but with my luck ith will be 500 feet into my run, and that's a lame run... OR if it's farther in, I'll turn around and there will be ANOTHER that came up after I passed, I'll be trapped, and then more alligators will be up on the side... closing in!!! eep!! Or, the alligator will look like he's sleeping, and I'll get a sudden dose of stupidbrave, and I'll take a running jump over him and BAM!! Keish goes down gazelle style, and Alligator Death Roll death brag... *shudder*
"That won't work. They'll chase me. They can go up to 30 miles an hour for short distances. Do humans run that fast? I know I don't"
"Just turn around, Keisha. They won't eat you."
"Yeah, but can't they get up on their hind legs and tackle me?"
Kason laughs. For about 10 minutes straight.
*gasping* "Dear, you've been watching too many cartoons!!"
At this point I realized I was being ridiculous, and my husband made me feel stupid, reminding me the last alligator I'd really seen was named 'Louis', played the trumpet, danced, disguised himself as a human jazz musician, talked, sang, and I think at one point used his tail as a propeller for a speedy escape. I didn't know anything about alligators other than what I learned on a few episodes of Crocodile Dundee, and Disney movies. I had no reason to be afraid. Stupid Disney.
Although... I guess maybe that's a reason to be all the more paranoid... Crap. Our new apartment has a pool. I hate alligators.
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