Dream Spidey Loo

I love Spiderman.
He is by the classiest and most original of all superheros. He's not extreaneously rich. He doesn't have millions of doo-dads and hum-haws. He leads a moderately normal life in his secret identity, and has emotional baggage no more complex than mine. (Mary Jane is annoying.) He can beat up bad guys with ninja agility and has rippling muscles. He IS the coolest superhero, and my mind will never change about that!
My infatuation with Spidey began in high school when the movies first came out. I didn't have a crush on Tobey Maguire. I had a crush on Spiderman! I actually thought James Franco was a lot cuter. Anyway. I bought Spiderman sheets for my bed in 10th grade. My friends began giving me miscellaneous Spiderman stuff for birthdays and Christmas. For high school graduation, my mom's family gave me an entire pool table full(the pool table in the basement was covered) of spiderman stuff. That's right. stuff. I was in spidey heaven.
In college, I decorated my side of the dorm room in blue and red. I had a huge Spiderman poster above my bed. My school supplies were all Spiderman. Pencils, pencil bags, folders and even back pack. I had spidey towels and washcloths. It was awesome.
Then I got married. While My husband likes Spiderman as well, I can't really stick a spidey poster above our bed, as it might make him jealous. Or people who visit our teeny apartment and get the 10 second tour would think we have really strange fetishes or marital issues. So the glorious spiderman poster has been rolled up and stashed in the closet.
I miss him. I miss coming home and seeing Spiderman's muscles. He protected me from the dorm weirdos, and always sparked fun conversations with my roommate's friends. So, today I decided that I would have Spiderman decoration in my house.
Now. The problem with spiderman stuff, is that 90% of it is geared toward five-year old boys. I don't have a five-year old boy. Nor a five-year old girl I could brainwash into Spidermanphillia. I don't have a kid. And when I do have a kid, I'm not so sure I want to share my Spiderman towel with him. There's a shortage of mature, classy looking spiderman decoration and stuff on the market. And I'm afraid to google "mature spiderman attire" THOSE kinds of people really do have weird fetishes and marital issues... or aren't married.
Nah. I've opted for the bathroom. Because reasons being, if I'm taking a dump, I like to be surrounded by pleasant things. I like it to be friendly. Spiderman is both pleasant and friendly. And if people use my bathroom during a social gathering of friends, they can come out of the loo and we can have a pleasant conversation about how "Spiderman freaking rocks, and makes much better bathroom decor than batman" I imagine bright colors and heroic displays of muscle awesomeness. Plus, I already have a spidey trash can.
The five-year old boy barrier strikes again. I can't seem to find anything of worth. I mean I don't want a silver spidey soap dish and wool-cotton biggie spidey towels. But the only things I can find are obviously for five-year old boys' bathrooms. For parents who have one five-year old son and feel the complusion to decorate his bathroom with cheap spidey crap when he will probably grow out of his spidey fetish in one year when he decides sports are much cooler.
I'm not a five-year old boy! I'm a 20-year old woman, and I want classy spidey in my bathroom! I probably will like Spiderman when I'm 50, because I plan on being a cool grandma.
I'm on the hunt for really cool Spiderman fabric, that looks like the vintage comic strip. And I'll make my own Spiderman shower curtain.